River Rat's Theory of Exponential Noise

Officemate and wizened Dad, River Rat, offers the following scientifically baseless theory:

When you have two kids, you have one line of communication between the two.
When you go to three kids, you have three lines of communication between the brood.
Thus, you increase the number of kids by 50%, but you triple the noise!

Half Bakery and Project List

driveway (in progress)
sprinkler system (in progress)
pergola
built-in benches in dining room
built-in shelves in dining room
built-in shelves and cabinets in living room
built-in bench seat in dining room
built-in shelves and desk for the cloffice
LED kitchen task lighting
LED outdoor lighting
LED bike headlight
Jeep LED interior lighting
ironing board hanger
coat rack upgrade
car computer (MP3, GPS/NAV, DVD)
handmade CPU case
outdoor grill and oven
bike trailer from scrap
trash trailer
straw bale office / granny flat
subwoofer
center channel speaker
water feature
rainwater collection system
fireplace upgrade
chimney upgrade
salvage laptop display as computer display
cat box upgrade
attic vent fan
rework kitchen sink plumbing
trailer for trash and recycling
rack for trash and recycling bins
Creative Zen charger
Jeep console upgrade

The Mommy's Pregnancy FAQ

Posted by The Daddy for The Mommy. The Mommy swears that she is not making any of this up. She has actually been asked these questions.

Q: (Read this with a screech over the cubicle wall:) "Krista! You're pregnant again? You're going to have 3 kids?! Did you do that on purpose?" Really. Not joking. I really got that question. Screeched. Which is how the rest of the office found out.

A: Yes, I'm pregnant again. Yes, we will have 3 children. Yes, we did that on purpose.

Q: "But, you already have a boy and a girl?"

A: I'm sorry. Have we broken some sort of rule that says families must stop procreating after they get a child of each gender? Geez, how bad does that suck to be the second son or daughter? "Gee, sweetie, it's not like we didn't want you, but we were really hoping you'd be a boy." Don't get me wrong, we could have had 11 sons and 1 daughter. But really, after the 4th or 5th male, it's time to just adopt the girl.

Q: "When are you planning to stop?" which is quite similar to "Whadya going for a baseball team?

A: 15. We'll stop at 15. I'm kidding.

Q: "When are you due?"

A: End of March.

Q: "So you could have an April Fool's baby?"

A: Nope, I'm a scheduled c-section. March 21 could be a pretty likely date. I definitely won't go past March 30th.

Q: "What do you mean you're having a planned c-section? Don't you want to experience birth?"

A: a) um, bite me. b) Let's see you carry 2 gigantic babies and then say I didn't "experience birth". My ribs still hurt from manually moving (Superkid)'s feet back inside my ribcage. c) 2 c-section scars. 2 big babies. my uterus does not need to contract.

Q: "What are you having?"

A: I'm only 20 weeks. We don't know.

Q: "No really, what are you having?

A: No really, we don't know. Ultrasound appointment is November 14. When we know, you'll know.

Q: "Why did you tell people you didn't know (Superkid) was a boy?"

A: We never told anyone we didn't know (Superkid) was a boy. Originally, we hadn't planned to find out, then we kept it to ourselves for a while (we told people that we weren't telling, not that we didn't know), then we told everyone.

Q: "Why did you tell everyone you didn't know (Babyfish) was a girl?"

A: Oh please, you think if I had known we were having a girl, I wouldn't have spent the second half of pregnancy buying dresses and princess tiaras and fairy wands and everything girly ever made?

Q: "What do you think this one is?"

A: (Superkid) says boy. Me: "You know you COULD get another baby sister." Superkid: "But I already have one of those." I think boy (I have serious pregnancy brain, which was much worse with the previous boy than girl). The old wives say girl. The Daddy doesn't know.

Q: "What do you want, boy or girl?"

A: Beyond the healthy with 10 fingers and toes? Either. I'd like (Babyfish) to have a sister and (Superkid) to be protector of his sisters, but I'd also like (Babyfish) to have brothers to take care of her and teach her how to properly swear and not get in trouble.

Q: "How are you feeling?"

A: Good now. August and September were pretty miserable.

Q: "What does (Superkid) think?"

A: He thinks he's getting a baby brother named Alex. (The Daddy) thinks this is hysterical because he likes the name Alex and I can't stand it. Once (Superkid) asked if we could name his baby brother Mars. I'm more likely to name a child Mars than Alex.

Q: "What does (Babyfish) think?"

A: She's a toddler. She thinks mommy is getting lumpy in strange spots.

Q: "Where are you going to put a third child?

A: "Excellent question, we're open to suggestions. The current idea is (to convert the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms into) a sleeping "porch" and play room.

Q: "If you don't have room for this one, are you going to sell it on eBay?

A: "I don't think eBay lets you sell body parts.

Q: "What if you sold a diaper with free baby included?"

A: I'll keep that in mind.

Q: "Can I name this one?"

A: No, but I'll be happy to consider your suggestions. At least, I'll be more than happy to pretend to consider your suggestions until you come up with something really good, we'll use it, then you won't be able to use the really good name because we already snagged it.

Q: "Are you going to give this one another weird name?"

A: Is LaGuardia Hamilton Neal weird? Kidding. Middle name will probably be Hamilton. You know us, can only be counted on to come up with one name and just use the default family middle name. (I actually think it's incredibly cool that our son and daughter have 3rd generation middle names).

Q: "Does this fetus have a nickname?"

A: Puh-huh! "Cadbury" and "Hamie" are joined by their sibling "Point Three".

Q: "Are you going to keep working?"

A: Yup. Everyone is happiest when The Mommy is not a stay-at-home mommy. I have the worlds most family-friendly and breastfeeding-friendly job. We're a titch nervous about the 2 months when I go back from leave before (Superkid) starts kindergarten, but it'll turn out ok.

Q: "How's everyone?"

A: B is good, his birthday was this weekend. He spent it coaching (Superkid's) soccer game, and using heavy equipment to work on the driveway. Ah, nothing says "happy birthday" like a Bobcat, (steamroller), road base and survey equipment. (Superkid) is perfect. He delighted Tia Roxy and Abuela Roxanna this weekend by counting to 20 in Spanish. We didn't know he could count past 10 in Spanish. He had an excellent pirate birthday party last weekend. (The Babyfish) is pretty good. We got sick of her getting frustrated when she needs help, so we taught her the sign for "help". Now instead of having a sign for "more" and one for "help" she has made up her own for "molp" or "helre" which means, "I want something, and it's The Mommy and The Daddy's job to figure what I want." I'm well. I can pretty much make it through a Saturday without a nap. OK, that's not at all true, but I've gone from 3-4hours during the first trimester to 1 hour these days.

And yes I really have gotten all of these questions.